An ‘Upside-down’ Era

There have been times that I really wonder if there is still any justice, fairness in this world of today. As what we observed from the dramas and movies, bad guys always win the world while good guys always die, with some, in a horrible, torturing way. Though in the end, those bad guys do get their karma, but compare to those good guys, they tend to have rather light punishments or die in a fast, painless way. What I’m trying to say here is, the world nowadays is as much as portraits in the movies. Every single day, the newspaper is nothing but just full of violent murders, rapes, robes and so on crimes, but the sad thing is the bad guys will never get caught or at least, the crimes never go down. Recently, there are few people that I know have passed away, either due to illnesses or accidents. As far as I know, they did not commit any crimes in their entire life, instead, they have been spending their lifetime rendering helps to those in need, but sadly, they could not live longer that they should be. I wonder what the reasons behind all these stories are. Why those bad people like criminals and my deceive agents are not only blessed with longevity but also a luxurious life? In addition to that, people who work like a cow are still remain poor but those rich people who do absolutely nothing but making profits out of others hard works are getting more and more rich. Is all these should be happening?

“Attention to all JPA students, please reclaim your money back for the following reasons : Hospital, KITAS and Remedial. All you need to do is just fill up the form and submit it up to the representatives. We are all here for you.” Honestly, I really feel like whacking up the idiotic government for offering such a privilege to the JPA students. I understand that the allowance for hospital staying and KITAS are part of the scholarship coverage but is REMEDIAL also part of the coverage ??!!! This is way too much !! A student also need to make up his/her result as a consequence of NOT STUDYING HARD ENOUGH but by giving such a privilege, isn’t it mean that it is absolutely okay for you to fail your 1st test and make up for it in the future and it won’t cost you a single cent? What on earth is JPA thinking all these while? Are they nuts or they are just an idiot? Giving scholarship blindly, not according to the needs is already intolerable where those JPA students spend as if everything comes in free, buying motorcycles, cars, visiting Bandung, Jakarta, Surabaya, heading for expensive meals, clubbing, pooling, skating, movies and so on, more like having an vacation here than studying, simply because everything is absolutely ‘free of charge’ and now, even make-up tests are free !! I know every single cent they spend here is something fall from the sky but shouldn’t they save it for more beneficial things, like buying medical equipments, for parents’ flight and better life in Malaysia, helping the poor and so on? Scholarship is meant to help those needy with well academic performances so as to achieve their dreams and serve the community in the future, right? But now, it’s more like giving it blindly, without further study if one really needs the money, for instance, MinDef scholarship. They are giving it to a guy who comes from a doctor family !! Okay, maybe he is good in academic achievement but you know what? He achievement is nothing compare to other candidates !! So, a guy with lower achievement and comes from a wealthy family won the scholarship simply because his father is a doctor. So, it is all about interviewers’ perception on giving off the scholarship, not according to the needs or academic achievement, after all !! What a great news !! So, in order to win a scholarship, one should start study about how to win the interviewers’ hearts, rather than studying hard. When I heard that he won the scholarship, I really feel pity to the other girl who is raise up only by her mothers who still has few children to be taken care of. She is so desperate on the scholarship and tried real hard to win the scholarship by putting in efforts on studies but end up losing to a doctor’s son !! What a poor girl~

Haih~ I wonder how the world gonna turn out to be in the near future. Everything is just upside-down and the situation is worsening every single second, with the bad guys win all the battle. Good Samaritans are getting lesser and lesser nowadays and I guess the only reason for that is, why should we be good as being evil is easier, better and will eventually becoming wealthier and more powerful. World nowadays is just losing hope………………………………

1st Day in the Field

27th of March… Today is the very 1st day I get myself into the community of Yogyakarta city, as a respondent towards the health issue among mid and lower class of the community. Actually, I’m kinda excited in getting myself into the field, experience how it is like to be a community healthcare volunteer, a health educator as well as a ‘temporary’ doctor. Haha~

As expected, language is the major problem I faced during my very 1st time getting into the community. I can hardly comprehend the Indonesia languages that they use in daily communication, especially Java language, which the kids that I’m going to mix with in the next 8 weeks, are using to communicate. However, for me, such a challenge is nothing but a force to keep me learning and be superior than others.

Ya, speaking about that, I received a message from the girl I’ve been mentioning in previous post, the girl that inspiring me all these while. It seems like someone has been talking bad behind me recently. Someone who does not render any help whenever required but keep complains about me to others, ruining my reputation!! I really don’t understand what benefit he’ll get for doing this kinda evil act. As a group leader, he does absolutely nothing but ignoring my existence in the group, just like my other group members. I mean, as a leader, you should at least try to get everyone helping each other, care for each other and building up the team spirit, right ? I’m not questioning about our qualification of being a leader and now, you are complaining to others that I’m not cooperating with others, keeping silent all the time and not willing to participate in group activities ? This is way TOO MUCH !! Didn’t you actually realize that I’ve been trying to get myself into this good-for-nothing group, trying to contribute something and participate in all the activities ? I guess you don’t right ? Because you never bother !! Everyone is so cocky that everything I said is useless, everything I do is wrong and my existence is never yours concern. I really sick of being with you guys who think that you are the mightiest, the smartest !! Does anyone actually pay attention on what I’m trying to do, help and contribute ? Ask yourself this question !! I have not been mentioning a word about this to others and now, you are the one who trying to spoil my image in front of others. Maybe you are smart, but absolutely not in everything. You will pay for whatever you did to me in the future. I assure you on that !!

New semester, New group, New challenges~

Well, honestly, I really have no idea what actually have I done to have deserved a group like this. It’s a total shit group with members who suck to the max !! I have been looked down, turned down and ignored by most of them who consider themselves know everything about anything. Well, I guess there isn’t a need for me to mention which ‘group’ they are belongs into as I did mention it before. They are really nothing but rubbish !! For instance, they screw up the tutorial session which is actually a session that we are suppose to discuss what we learnt and share knowledge. They, however have been making it a total nonsense, total rubbish session with barely any objectives achieved!! Every single thing they shared is nothing but the most basic thing which evens a secondary school student will be able to provide such an answer. Questions rise is just answered with a damn brief answer without any further explanations and yet, worse still denying and ignoring further explanations intended to be given by others. How the hell others going to learn with such rubbish members around ? Furthermore, questions asked for further explanations and ideas given are responded with an annoying look. Well, they do seriously think that they are the cleverest species in the world and know every single thing on earth while people who do not know certain things that they knew are absolutely idiotic, don’t they ? The most annoying part is that, as far as I know, there is one member who has been complaining to my friends that I have not been saying anything during the tutorial session which eventually will make them think that I’m useless and have not been studied for that at all !! I really feel like giving him a punch and a kick for that !! Actually how am I going to do that with all those annoying people around, denying everything I say ? What will they do if they were in my shoe ? Furthermore, I, who has always been treated as invisible all these while is yet, another ‘tool’ for them to clean up all their mess, and as well as their shit !! I’m always the first one who pop out in their mind when it comes to a time where we need to do reports, cleaning up instruments used and so on BUT my existence will never be noticed when it comes to joyful, interesting and any periods which benefit us, such as injecting drugs, measuring vital signs, having independent skills study sessions and so on. I truly pissed off with all of them who think that they are the greatest of all mankind and can totally ignore how others feel about that. Well, now, I’ll just concentrate on what I’m studying and try to acquire more skills and knowledge. I’ve signed up for a 3^rd year module where we need to communicate and educate the community about health issue on the 25^th of May and I’m the only international programme student among all the participants. I really do hope that it can bring me more knowledge about communication and as well skills improvement. I’m planning to go for TBMM (Tim Bantuan Medika Mahasiswa) where I’ll be able to acquire more skills and as well hands-on practices. If I’m capable to proceed with another activity without influencing my academic performance, I’m thinking of getting myself into TFSS – being a skills lab assistance where I’ll be able to have consistence skills training with teaching the juniors clinical skills, as well acquiring new clinical skills (one of the benefit of being a lab assistance). We’ll see how it goes……

Effort unpaid ~

Well, I guess most of we all did heard such a phrase before, right ? 90% hardwork and 10% luck is the key of study.. but I think they have left something else unmentioned, something vital – gifted !! Gifted in studies account for 50%, if not more out of the 90% mentioned. If one is not gifted in studies, there is no way for u to catch up with others who is, not to mention scoring !! I’m not whining if I’m not gifted or others but it is undeniable that talent does play a very very important role in assuring one’s achievement, especially studies. Compare to my friends, especially those JPA scholars, I have been through a real hard time on studies but the results turn out to be far worse than them, who spent times on clubbing, shopping, gaming, going for movies and so on.

From my bad experience with my agents, as well as past events, I know that there is no fairness or justice in this world. People who kill, rob, rap, cheat, and committing so many other sins don’t really seem to pay for what they did, and some, worse still, are enjoying their life, pretty much better and luxurious than those who work as if there is no day or night for them. I’m not whining on anything but somehow, I did feel helpless and hopeless, towards my study life here. I put in so much effort on my studies, more than 40hrs per week, but it doesn’t seem to help, at all!! Maybe I shouldn’t have belonged to here, shouldn’t have study with all those who are straight A1’s students, shouldn’t have taken up medicine course. Tension, stress and dull life is what I get after getting over here, in Yogya, although I really do love what I’m currently studying now, and kinda enjoying my medical knowledge gained here. But, for me, academic achievement does play an important role to keep me motivated and moving on. U know? It’s kinda discouraging and disappointing for getting to know that u didn’t do well in examinations, even it was after u putting in all u got in studies. Moreover, for me, it also does mean that I’m still not qualify enough and mastering knowledge learnt, because, exams are meant to assess your ability in understanding and mastering knowledge taught, aren’t they?

Well, I guess there is one thing I did learn and know after all these while, studying for medicine - my limit. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much effort I put in, it’ll still be in vain if I were wanting to score and be like my friends, simply because of my own limitation. No one can ever break their limit, can they? Well, at least now, I know my limit. I was once told by a friend of mine : be a good medical student, enjoy the knowledge. I was once take that as a force, a power to keep myself strike for the best but now, I guess, it’s about enjoying the knowledge learnt and applying it to help others in the future, instead of getting and aiming for good result. I knew I can never be as good as them but what I can do now is, enjoying the knowledge and try what I could to help those in need. I guess that my destiny.

Process of learning..

Is it a necessity to be afraid to ask for someone’s help in the effort of boosting your achievement? I’m currently in a situation that I wanna learn more and thinking that I’m be able to perform well in Histology tests, as well as other tests and block exams with a better understanding and mastering the skill of learning, which I was once have not putting much attention to it, from one of the top JPA scholars I got to know here. I guess that it may have been the learning method I’m currently adapting isn’t the right one. However, there is a feeling that she finds it uneasy, if not abit frustrating to have to guide me on that. We are not really that close anyway, just a simple ‘hi-bye’ friend. Is it really a wise decision to keep asking her for assistance in my studies? I really have no clue on that. I just wanna be like her, being the top student with lots of knowledge. That’s my only intension for all that~

Sick of JPA students~

Have u ever come across with people who think they know everything about anything? It’s really annoying and sick to be with them, especially during studies period. Laugh at people mistakes, showing all those annoying expressions when u ask questions which they already knew the answers during practical sessions and so on, are basically what u’ll experience when studying with them. Well, questions that I ask to the instructors are stupid and not quality but questions they ask are all ‘high-quality’ huh? I just wanna say, I did pay for all that, alright?!! My parents did spent a great sum of money for me to study and make sure that I understand and able to master all the skills and knowledge needed for my future medical practices okay? So, whether my questions sound stupid or really do look stupid for u all, it is absolutely NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS !! I know, people like u all are gifted in studies and might not needing much effort to score in the exams and future undertakings but can’t u just be a little bit more considerate and care for people who are not as lucky as u do, for having gifted in studies? People have been putting all their efforts, heart and soul and trying out all the methods that claimed to be efficient in studies, just to ensure that they can do better in both their studies as well as in future practices. I didn’t expect much help from u guys in my studies but being kind and understanding are very much appreciate already. Laughing and teasing won’t help any parties but will absolutely hurt one’s feeling. U may be real smart here and know better than people like me but, never ever forget that : thing comes around goes around, who knows, one day u’ll have to work with people who is way brilliant than u ? I’ll pretty sure that u’ll be regretted for what u’ve did to others when u get to know how much it hurts by experience that yourself then…