Saying goodbye to 1st Honor...

Once again... one more question to go and I'll be able to get a better grade (A/B instead of B) !! It's really pissing me off when getting to know that I've failed to get a better grade by ONE CORRECT ANSWER!! After all the hard work done and this is what I obtain...... Am I really deserve this kinda ill fortune? And this, in fact, is the THIRD TIME, so far, out of 10 blocks. I wondering is it really that hard to get all my hard work paid off? Or, perhaps, should I just give up in aiming for better grade, knowing the fact that I would not able to score any better in my entire journey of being a medical student EVEN with more and more hard work and spirit.


Graph of scoring has been in a "dynamic" changes all these while... ACCORDING TO MY SCORE !! For instance, it will be an A for a score of 65 in a particular block exam (when my score was 60, for example) and just "shifted" to 75 in the coming one (when my score was 70, for example). It just seems that "I'm not allowed to get an A for any test" by adjusting the grading "accordingly". My make-up test, my block exams were the best example. "one more to go OR shifting the graph" are basically what I'm experiencing all these while... with the aim of "avoiding" me to score !!


Well... now, everything is no longer a matter to me with the fact that, after a careful calculation, I would no longer able to get first honor degree in my Bachelor of Medicine degree. It has always been my one and only aim when stepping into this faculty, besides serving as a force that keep me moving and motivates me. Now, it's all gone !! All the hard work and efforts just vanish into the thin air......


I suppose the old sayings do not work as they should, do they?

"Hard works do pay off"
"The more efforts you put in, the more you'll gain in later days"
and so on...


So long my first honor degree......
I've tried my very best but... it's simply my destiny not to have "you" by my side............









p/s Should I keep struggling for better results? Should I keep putting my heart and soul in my studies? I really have no idea regrading this issue. And my "illness of unknown etiology" (unable to focus, memorising and staying alert due to poor sleeping pattern) is still giving me a hard time being as a medical student (even after a freaking expensive test, polysomnography, for Sarjidto hospital, costing me nearly RM 800 (instead of Rp 185k mentioned earlier as they have forgotten to inform me that it was only for the early assessment, excluding the PSG) and yet, could not find out the etiology of it). Life is getting tough and it just really really really seems like... I'm being fooled around and I will never get what I desire, no matter how hard I work for it~


* and... I just had my arm "smashed" against the ground which is full with small rocks and sand during my way to return the borrowed bike, 50m away from the destination. Thanks to the rainy day, and yet, I was not provided with a raincoat ~ What a day......