Flash Back ~

I wonder when was the last time that I logged in to my blog to share some of my days here at Yogyakarta... half a year? Or perhaps more than that :p

Well.... many things did happen throughout my stay here, until today. Perhaps, let's start with my so-called academic achievement here... Just as what had been expected, my grades didn't change much throughout those block exams that I've been through. The greatest achievement so far was during my 5th block, which I managed to get an "A" for it. There were times that I felt so frustrated with those barely passed grades, after being struggled for such a long period of time. The situation got worse when seeing people around me who never study but yet managed to pass with good grades. I really wonder if efforts really mean anything to be successful. How come people who has been putting so much efforts in something ended up gaining either nothing or something which others can possess without putting much efforts? Days that I no longer feel like studying and continue my efforts in gaining knowledge were frequent phenomenon during those days. In addition to that, there had yet been cases like people who didn't manage to do well in the exam were given a better score after the admin adjusted the graph, making it easier for some of them to have better grades. This happens few weeks ago whereby due that most of my batch mates who had done badly in the last block of our first year, block 1.6 where somehow, able to get a better grade, after the result being out !! They had announced the grades once, in the announcement board, few weeks before they decided to shift the graph, making more people to have better grades. What kinda university will ever do such a thing !! Changing grades after the result is released?? Why didn't they do so when I got poor grades in 2 of the block exams? So, you see, things can really be beyond your imagination here, especially when it has something to do with me. It's not that I'm being pessimistic or trying to blame anyone, but I guess even the kids also can tell that it's totally UNFAIR, right?!! Why do I always have to suffer all the way? Can't I have this kind of so-called "LUCK" too? It's not that I have not put in any effort on my studies but in fact, I did. But why? Same thing happen to my JPA loan application and Skills Lab assistant application. After I've been struggling so hard to make myself eligible for the application, it turns out that none of us manage to get the loan. Maybe it's simply because I'm applying for that loan as well, causing other not to have any chances for that, just like when I'm taking make-up test for block 1.2. For all the other make-up tests, highest score were "A", except the one I took. Though I'm one of the highest scorer, my grade was "B". I really wonder why must it always be so. Can't there be any room for me to have a better grades? After having pushing myself so hard to achieve that? For JPA loan, I was informed that most of UGM med students will be able to get the loan, but, somehow, all failed during my year. None of us manage to get the loan, even for those who score an CGPA of 4.0!! What happen to this world? I heard that even a daughther of a Dato from Sri Lanka University was able to get the loan but not us, people who really needing the money!! Isn't that loans or scholarships were meant for helping those who has financial difficulties in pursuing his or her studies? What would a daughter of a Dato will be managed to get the loan but not people like us, who come from low or middle class families? And as the Skills Lab assistant, I didn't even get the chance to be interviewed or been through the selection due that my grade was just fulfill the minimum requirement. I guess they were looking for someone who is smarter in studies, not only being skillful. Thus, once again, because of my poor grades, I had lost my chance to be what I wanna be. Honestly, I was really felt despair on that particular period of time. After all I've done, after being so stress in studies, I had now lost everything that keep me moving forward. I had lost my loan, my assistant designation and my 1st honour degree. There is nothing much that I want and could achieve over here. And seeing people gaining things that I was dying for WITHOUT TAKING MUCH EFFORTS, that even driving me crazy. Anyway, life still need to go on, and when I've chosen this path, there is no U-turn for me. I'll need to cope with it, adapt to it, immune to it, which I am still learning to do so. Oh ya, TBMM was yet another thing that I've lost. But what I can't take was that I was lost to a guy who have never study for the tests and had never put any effort on that. I was totally disappointed with their decision to have taken him in as a member but kicking me out, who was so enthusiastic on joining the society. Well, that's fine, as I've no longer having interest in being part of them.

Okay, that's all for the academic stuff....... time for my activities over here :p Well, I have now signed up for skating lesson at Saphir Square Skating School. I have long for this ever since my 1st exposure to skating at Sunway Pyramid. However, signing up at Sunway Skating School was not really possible for me at that particular time as it was quite far from where I'm staying and the fees was real high, higher than a piano lesson !! I glad that the charges here are almost half of what you can get at Sunway Pyramid and most importantly is that, it is of nearby my kost. I had even tried to walk there (1hr walking distance). Perhaps, when we grown up, our motor system as well as coordination and learning systems are not as good as when we were in younger age. Learning how to skate is indeed a difficult task for me, especially when both of my legs seem to be out of my control. I often find myself unable to have "full" control over my very own legs and that had made my day a total failure. This especially true when seeing those kids around you who can skate really well and able to learn up real fast. Anyway, I will keep myself working on that as I really do not wish to see that I'm giving up AGAIN. It's has always been my biggest regret to have stop my piano and Taekwondo lesson. I would be a talented person if I were to continue my piano course. I guess I was no mature enough to make rational and wise decisions those days.

Well... as it's getting late now, I better get to bed as there will be a minor Skills Lab test tomorrow. Stories will be continued tomorrow...............